his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
