Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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