we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
