it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
