I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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