Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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