U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
