halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
