Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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