he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
