I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
