Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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