Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
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I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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