look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
