what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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