Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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