then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
