I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
our cab driver is having phone sex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
