Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
