Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
