the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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