guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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