apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize