I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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