Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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