Kareoke will never be a sober sport
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
