What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
