ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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