she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Rumble strips road head = magical
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
we're so committed to being not committed
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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