Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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