i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
