I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
