i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
