You're so nebulous sometimes
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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