My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize