he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
