Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
