My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
