This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
