Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
