and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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