I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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