Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
