Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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