hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
