Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize