Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
