i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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