I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
