Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
