How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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