i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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