Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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