You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
