that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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