I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
