When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
