Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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