Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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