True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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