I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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