I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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