oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
