Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
