I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
